


Bravest man in the world

by Luneandstars



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bond between Remus and Harry, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:54:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29818329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luneandstars/pseuds/Luneandstars
Summary: Remus Lupin doesn’t storm out when Harry Potter calls him a coward. Instead, he lets out all of the emotions he’s been holding in for the past 15 years, and Harry comes to a realisation about uncle moony.
Relationships: Remus Lupin & Harry Potter
Kudos: 6





	Bravest man in the world

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! So this is my first piece so I hope it’s not terrible! Basically when I was re-reading Deathly Hallows and got to the scene where Remus runs away and has his outburst I felt it should have gone a little differently and he should have shown more emotions so this is piece is a oneshot on   
> how I think the scene should have gone :)
> 
> TW  
> Negative thoughts, mention of death, anger, implied mention of suicide

Lupin POV   
‘I’d never have believed this,’ Harry said. ‘The man who taught me to fight dementors - a coward.’  
Lupin froze. He stood for a moment, processing what Harry had said, feeling the all too familiar feeling of anger rising in him. Out of all the people he’d expected to hear hate from, Harry was not one of them. Harry, the son of his best friends. Harry, the godson of his other best friend. Harry, the boy who was his family too without even knowing it. He felt himself stepping towards Harry.  
‘A coward?’ He said. His voice was low and steady, but he could feel the tears beginning to prick his eyes. ‘You think I’m a coward?’ His voice was rising. ‘A bloody coward!’ He was shouting now. Before he knew it, he was letting out everything he’d been holding onto for the past 16 years.   
‘Do you have any idea what I’ve been through!’ He shouted. ‘Do you know how lonely I was as a child? Do you know how abandoned I felt? You think it’s easy, living with this, knowing that you’re a monster and that most people want you dead? I’ve lived my life like this since I was four years old, and believe me, you do not get used to it!’ He could feel the tears starting to slowly fall down his face now. He couldn’t see their faces clearly, but he could tell from the silence that they were in shock. They’d never seen him like this before. ‘And you think it was just me it affected? No. It was my family too. By the time I came to Hogwarts I barley had a family any more. My mum was a muggle, she didn’t understand, and my dad was the reason I was in this situation in the first place! You think it was easy knowing that deep down, even your own father wanted you dead?! I can promise you Harry, James would never have wished anything like that upon you!’ He saw Harry flinch at the mention of his father, but continued on. ‘Do you know how much pain I’m in, all the time? You think the pain comes only on the full moon? No, it’s all the time! My whole body aches, I’m exhausted, but it’s not just the physical pain. No, it’s the emotional too.’ He was talking deep, steady breaths, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to calm down, his pain had been built up for so long now, he needed to let it out. ‘I wanted to give up so many times! I didn’t see the point in carrying on, when I didn’t have any friends or family, or any purpose in life. But then I came to Hogwarts, and I met them. I met James, and Sirius, and Peter and lily and Mary and Marlene and many more. I finally had friends, I finally had a family. ‘ He leant on the back of a chair, scrunching up his eyes to stop the tears. But as he did that, the memories of them came rushing back: meeting them on the train, their first night together, when they found out he was a werewolf, and how they accepted him without a second thought. How they became illegal animagi for him. The pranks they did together. THE prank. That Halloween night, when everything fell apart....  
He opened his eyes, and lifted himself up from leaning on the chair. He looked to the three of them, who were still looking at him in shock. He started pacing, his emotions still spilling out of him.  
‘They saved me. All of them. Yes, even Peter, before he turned against us. He was still our friend.’ He added, seeing Harry about to argue. ‘They made my transformations so much easier. I no longer hurt myself, it didn’t take me nearly as long to recover. Life was starting to finally become good. But then what happened?’ The anger was coming back. ‘What did life decide to do to me this time? It decided to take everything away again! I was left alone again! I lost EVERYTHING!’ He screamed, kicking over a chair in his anger. Harry made his way towards him, anger evident on his face now too.  
‘You think I didn’t lose everything too?! You think I don’t know how that feels!?’ Harry yelled.  
‘No you don’t know how that feels!’ Lupin roared. ‘You were too young to remember them! You don’t have to live with the memories of them everyday! You don’t have to relive it every waking moment and every sleeping moment! No one should have to lose their parents at such a young age Harry, but at least you can’t remember them like I can!’ Harry stumbled back.  
‘How dare you!’  
‘No Harry, it’s not the same! You hadn’t already lost everything once had you?! You never had to sit around and listen to everyone around you talking about how your best friend murdered you other closest friends for 12 years did you, pretending everything was fine when really you were dying inside?!’ He thought of Sirius. Tears came rushing out. ‘You think I felt any better when I came back to Hogwarts, knowing I was going to have to teach the boy who was basically my nephew, knowing he wouldn’t remember me?!’   
Harry leapt towards him. ‘If you cared so much then why didn’t you do anything to help me!?’ Harry yelled.  
‘YOU DON’T THINK I TRIED!?’ Lupin yelled back, just as loud. ‘You think I wanted you to go and live with them?! I fought with Dumbledore for weeks after that Halloween night, trying and trying to get custody of you, rather than sending you off with them! I even went to the ministry itself, but of course I was classified as too dangerous, and not suitable to take care of a child! Because that’s what my life has always been like, I’m only ever thought as as a monster!’  
‘Well you could have at least written to me! Acknowledgment of your existence wood have been nice!’   
‘Dumbledore make me swear not to, for your safety!  
‘As if living with the Dursley’s was for my safety’ Harry said, rolling his eyes. Lupin lost it again.  
‘The moment that you were born, Harry, I made a vow to James and lily to always protect you! Keeping you away from the wizarding world was the safest thing for you, Dumbledore made me realise that. There have been times when I’ve been so close to giving up, but I kept going, making sure I kept my promise to James and lily. And when Dumbledore hired me, I thought ‘at least I know I can keep him safe now.’ And then what? The first time I’d seen you in 12 years, I woke up, thinking you were my dead best friend, before realising it was actually my best friends son, who I vowed to protest for the rest of my life, knocked out on the floor, a dementor attacking him. Knowing what it must be making you feel like, because your parents were all I could think about then too! You think I liked teaching you, when instead of hearing you call me uncle moony, which you’d just managed to learn to say, it was professor lupin? You think that didn’t break me inside every time!’ He took a few deep breaths, trying to control his anger. He sat on a chair, his head between his hands, wiping away the tears. A few moments later he looked up, his voice calmer now.   
‘You’re not the only one that wants to avenge your parents death Harry. I do just as much.’ Harry, however, still hadn’t calmed down yet.  
‘The why didn’t you do that 12 years ago! If you’d done that, then Sirius would still be alive! If you’d done that, I would have still had a family!’  
‘YOU THINK YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE THAT LOST YOUR FAMILY?!’ His anger was back, and he leapt up from his chair and stormed towards Harry. ‘I LOST MY FAMILY TOO THAT NIGHT! AND WHEN I FINALLY GOT ONE OF THEM BACK, WHEN I FINALLY GOT SIRIUS BACK, I LOST HIM AGAIN TWO YEARS LATER. BUT THIS TIME HE’S NEVER COMING BACK!!’ A sob escaped him. ‘He may have been your family too Harry, but you’d only known he was your family two years ago! And, as horrible as they are Harry, I know, you still have some living relatives left, I’ve got no one!’ He was sobbing now, the memory of sirius’s death playing through his mind, how he had to be there for Harry and keep strong himself. Sirius. His Sirius. His padfoot.  
‘I’d rather no family than them as a family!’ Harry retorted. ‘You didn’t lose your parents at one years old! You’re not the chosen one are you?!’  
‘NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU HARRY!!’ He yelled it before he could stop himself. ‘You’re not the only one whose lost lots Harry! In fact, you still have Ron and Hermione,’ he gestured to them, ‘I have no one!’   
‘You’ve got everyone at the order!’ Harry protested.  
‘Have I!?’ Lupin replied. ‘Do you know the only thing they’ve found me to be of use of? To go with the other werewolves, and try and convince them to join our side! You think I enjoy that? You think I enjoy having to use the one thing I hate most about myself, because apparently that’s what defines me, and apparently that’s the only thing I’m useful for?! You think the transformations aren’t still painful, you think I wanted to live with this disease, for so long now that I can’t even remember what it’s like to be normal?! You think it wasn’t more painful for me to be teaching at Hogwarts, painful memories taking over me, the place where I met my family?! You think I wanted this screwed up so-called life?! You think I wanted my only friends to die!? You think I wanted ANY OF THIS?!’ He let out a sob, and turned away from them, not wanting to see they way they looked at him, knowing they probably thought him a selfish monster now. He straightened himself up, still sobbing, voice still raised, and pointed at Harry.  
‘You’re not the only ones that think of your parents everyday Harry. I don’t want to come with you to run away, or to protect you. I want to come because I’ve lost too much in life, and it’s time to fight back. I want to be the uncle I promised I would be. I want to prove to them that I can do it, I want to show them that I’ve fought for them. Because they did everything for me! They did everything, and I never even got to properly thank them! They saved my life! They SAVED MY LIFE! AND I LOST THEM ALL!!’ He fell to the floor in a heap of sobs, gasping for breath, unable to hold anything back anymore. He felt empty, all his bottled up emotions having just left his body. He didn’t even care that Harry, Ron and Hermione were there, watching him. He wanted to show them that he wasn’t, that he wasn’t a coward. But all he did was cry. He cried and he cried, wishing life could be the way it was when he was sixteen, wishing they were here with him. James would have told some stupid joke to cheer him up. Peter would have nervously patted him on the back. Lily would have hugged him, told him everything was going to be alright. And Sirius would have also hugged him. He would have told him he was the best, even though Remus never believed him. He would have given him one of those Sirius Black smiles, the ones that always made you smile back, no matter what you were feeling. He felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up. James?

Harry POV  
He looked down at the man in front of him. The man that was so broken. The man that had protected Harry his whole life. The man, he realised now, who was just as much as a family to him as Sirius had been. The man who had lost everything. Multiple times. The man that had every reason to be angry, the man that was still the kindest Harry had ever met, despite having every reason not to be. He walked over to him, crouched down, and reached out, gently placing his hand on his shoulder. He looked up, meeting his eyes. Uncle Moony. And as Harry looked at him, Harry could see that Remus Lupin was the bravest man in the world.


End file.
